Tears & Wine

I dreamt of my late grandmother today.Erm.... I dunno how to describe it because I only just realised I did dream of her after a whole useless morning of thinking about what to eat for breakfast.Was awfully hungry.So cereal it was.
She was just staring at me for a few seconds.Then her appearance suddenly fade away slowly. I was stunned there without any words to say .I didn't move,breathe or think.My cousins were with me and I looked at them .No one saw..


I was 5.She usually sends me back to the house from the shop. So at one time. I sat at the back,wanted attention and there was an orange plastic bag.The ones people usually use for the night market. So I decided to make annoying noises with it.Rubbing it,slowly tearing it. And she was so patient,driving without looking at the rearview mirror. So failing to get any sterns looks or scolding.I kept quiet the entire journey back home.


She usually buys breakfast for the family after jogging during the weekends.I miss the way she calls Me Kok Yiong and Kok Kiong to my brother.I'm almost 18 now..It's been years.I remember how everyone made me cry because the atmosphere were so cold and sad during the funeral.I lost it.I seriously lost it.

All the effing WHYS running through my head.The bitter thoughts.I hope it melts the thick layer of ice in my head very soon.