Inside It All Feels The Same

''Inside it all feels the same. Everything looked so real.The faded paints still manage to stick onto the walls of the old buildings. The sound of people running around the open hall. The fine green grass looked so bright. It keeps the dullness of life away and shines the brightly colours of chlorophyll because of the sun. The endless heat given out.The beam allowed many shadows to be formed until I saw my very own shadow, walking near the science lab. The annoying bell had just rung. That means class just ended. I hear the endless laughter of the group of shadows.The laughter so pure that I still managed to remember how extraordinary happy I was back then..so gay..so fresh ..still mischievous as ever . Then I gaze upon the shadows and right away saw  myself visible in a familiar uniform again, the old crooked glasses,the red coloured braces, walking on the uneven road towards the canteen. Me playing a fool,being pushed around. I have to say my rotten white shoes still makes me laugh. How did I ever pull it through, not washing my pair of shoes and not let my only mother find out? A question I myself kept thinking. Again,a smile is reborn. ''

I get it . Everything is just happening too quickly. I'm tired and you're bored of me repeating myself how life in high school is just a fairy tale and triumphed to me. I can't hope because it's nonsensical to go back to high school now. Everything  feels like the movies now.

How the main character wishes to be in high school because he is having an extremely hard time at work and recently got divorced because he wasn't himself. He wasn't himself because he keeps regretting. The non-stop complaint and tantrums thrown upon his wife. And she...so innocent..still so beautiful had enough. She says '' That's what you only care about...you..yourself..the only words in your bloody dictionary..I,ME,MYSELF..I want a divorce! You should see the picture of the guy,completely lost and shocked. He wept..He lost just about everything and wanted to go back to high school where there were nice and lively friends and teachers. Most importantly, he wanted his mom. The mom..has and had always been there for him. She always had answers. Every morning,food on the table. Every afternoon,food on the table. Every night,food on the table. Life was easy for him. Life was simple..so simple that he was devastated when he had to grow up. Everything changed instantly after years.From good to bad to worst.

''There was this boy. The boy only to be found by it's shadows. He had already graduated high school but he kept going back to high school. All students saw him and wonder 'Why is he still here?" . He answered politely like his mom used to teach him ''....BUT! I'm not done yet ''. The boy soon to be the character above I just mentioned..That boy? Me

Then,the eyes opened. It was a Sunday.

 I feel like lunatic now. I really find myself really lost now. I forgot how time and life works. Great partner, both of them.. I still don't understand how people move on. If it was the dream was a show, I'll watch it everyday. For sure I know,life is strange.When I say I don't wanna  grow up, I  really mean it.

Love is Free

I know that I can't tell you this light has slowly faded.
Like mail that's never dated from towns still burned and raided.
And lost without a soul, with you forever more.
I'm sorry but I can't tell you I feel like a pattern
Of shapes that will never matter, a color that will never flatter.
It's all gonna' come around. It's all gonna' make your eyes burn.
I really wanna' tell you that love is like a furnace,
It burns in and out of purpose, so hot that it makes me nervous.
So large that it won't cool out. So big that it can't burn out.

I wait sixteen, a Saturday, love.
My heart beats fast and faraway, love.
Your eyes so pure, they never grow up.
You stay with me, we'll never grow up, my love.

Angels & Airwaves -  Saturday Love

Lost and Found - Katie Herzig

King

I'm proud to see dad gaining back his swings and rhythm in golf and it earned him 5th place in a charity golf competition for the breast cancer awareness campaign and foundation from Estee Lauder(cosmetics crap) .The man loves his golf,what more can I possibly say?

Big Scary - Thinking About You

Explosions In The Sky - Inside It All Feels The Same

Fader

I never wanted to leave high school. I get emotional and stuff when I think about how it would be like when high school life is over  and all those friends you gila-ed with will have their own decision to make and be in another different school.I never like changes. I felt so comfortable bumming around in school.Having a chat like everywhere in school. Bringing the canteen food to a private place where the group can just eat and laugh. Having a routine of owning the whole basketball court and field to ourselves because WE ARE THE SENIORS.Then it ended.I know I cant be 17 forever,

When I first started college.I hated the whole idea where I have to start in January. It was just too soon for me. I still had that old me inside which I  wanted it to be burn as soon as possible.  One of the stupidest thing that I can do happened.I entered the wrong class on the first day and thank god, I entered the wrong class because I felt so puzzled during ice breaking session with the people there .Then,I realised sth wasnt right and luckily managed to change class on that day itself. G5 was my class and we had 18 girls and 5 boys.So being in an old boys school for 11 years,it will be differently,No more doing crazy stuff like I used to,No more being the noisy one or the really mental one. I have to say, I was quite quiet this year. A lot of things had happened .Good or bad-it changed me a lot and I'm thankful for that.

I'm gonna miss the classmates. Time passed really fast and I feel that it was way faster than last year. I'm gonna miss the teachers, the perverted drawings on the tables, the nerve wrecking presentations and ...just everything. I'm glad to be a part of the class and  that I was there at the right moment. This is really one of the chapters I'll definitely cherish forever and hopefully, I'll get to meet up with them soon.

Prom will be coming and the class trip is still on ,Not forgetting finals!

Fool

Every step taken,he falls.Every story he listens,he's lost.The people around him,he ignores.Every now and then,I hear painful stories from friends and families. I compare to the chapters some people I see everyday and god, the reasons why they're sad is stupid. Even for them to cry is worst. Their sadness are not even close to the ones suffering out there and wish they had lives which is less painful than their current ones. They don't know the powerful circumstances a tragedy can occur. When they do, it might be too late.Apologies will be too late. Loving that person and caring so much about him or her will be faded. Memories will just be a dream or a thought.

Take me somewhere nice

Ghosts in the photograph 

never lied to me. 

I'd be all of that 

I'd be all of that. 

A false memory 

would be everything. 

A denial my eliminent. 

What was that for? 

What was that for? 

What would you do 

if you saw spaceships 

over Glasgow? 

Would you fear them? 

Every aircraft, 

every camera, 

is a wish that 

wasn't granted. 

What was that for? 

What was that for? 

Try to be bad. 

Try to be bad.

Okay so about my birthday.2 cakes. 16 cupcakes and 1 nasi lemak. Football at 12 am outside my house.

Last saturday, err johnny english with mom and dad.stayed in the hotel cause aunt has free vouncher. yup i suck at summarising but you get the picture.

Numbers & figures

I'm depressed.Consistently.My mind is dead.My feelings and emotions are upside down...These months have been the worst.Not thinking straight like I used to and doing things which always end up as a wrongdoing. Even today the doctor said Why are you so sad? Just blurred out without words to say to him. Yesterday Maha planned a surprise party for me.Totally unexpected because when I reached at the makan place, 3 sets of different groups I usually mix with. Well, my head was as usual lost so I gave that shocked looked on my face then Daniel hugged me and was like what's all these? And then the cake came happy belated birthday Rudy. Finally it made sense.These people who came, I can trust. Depression is eating me up slowly..

Armor

The family is changing.We're no longer 12 year olds or the ones where we would wait in the living room until our parents get back from work. No, not anymore. No more screaming or running around the house or jumping around like monkeys...no more. Everyone is so busy with their current life.After college, I'm at home and silence would be my companion. If I'm not lazy and there's a test to study,I'll make myself a coffee before bringing out the notes or I'll take a nap and then coffee haha .I do have this special thing with coffee. I really don't know how it happened but I really enjoy myself slurping slowly on my coffee. and yo, I can make my own coffee but sometimes it turned out ...well not so coffee-like..colour looks like piss...well at least it's drinkable.All good.

The siblings are  mature enough to understand the consequences in life and all that stuffs so  Mom doesn't need to wait for the right moment to tell us those specific 'stuff' anymore.She could just splash everything when she feels like it. She said I am the one who has that ego which is uncontrollable.She carried on that I can't control my problems and stress alone. I'm not gonna deny it but at the same time I am not gonna accept it either. Just today, my classmate from college Hui Qing said I looked like a person who has a lot of problems. I already had an answer to that question so I just said really? and smiled. Sharing problems to a person. This you gotta be cautious but if you're blind enuf not to see that your friend is a dick. You need 3D glasses .

A fact of 2011.I learned recently that I can be a good not great listener. like really good.

Mat Kearney - Runaway

Mat Kearney- Ships in the Night