Dad's firm lunch in Shogun. Couples having their sweet mingle session. Staffs having a whale of a time with other staffs and family members. Dad and mom had to socialise with the rest and they were at the same table with my sister's godparents and their family. Initially, I sat with my parents at a table beside. When they moved to the next table, my 12 year old cousin came to sit with me. I was quite surprise actually. I don't know why. I'm so close minded suddenly. My mind wasn't right and this boy just sat down and I said HI!. I'm like sooooo how're you nowadays? how's your new school? Like any girls yet? I just had to pump the questions out from my head because I wanted to be elsewhere if possible and it was.
So we talked for almost an hour or 2. Can't really tell because my mind was waiting for this stupid message which wasn't important. So there we were talking and I have to say, I wanted the conversation to go on as long as possible because I felt misplaced there and it felt good talking to someone I knew since young. Although 12, who cares about the age gap when we're young. It's quite a lost to me when I'm no longer the one who still plays with him and throws him here and there or waxing his hair before my aunt picks him up from my house or playing football outside the house. No I'm already that ''grown up''. So yea he told about school and his current issues, I gave him some advices. I think I made it clear to him. ..I don't choose to be on the adult side, I never had a choice. Nobody had the choice.
It's part of life which really sucks so badly when you're having fun and the next thing you know, you're too old for this. You're too old for this,that,this,that...I agree that some day you gotta make a choice of your own. Decisions made by yourself is taking one step closer of being an adult. And that's what I did when my dad got sick. I learned to be independent, the slow and harsh way which fucking hurts when you're falling down emotionally but then, getting up with an invisible shining armour around the entire body, secured,strong and bold.
Nowadays, small things push me aside. My mind will be elsewhere disrupted, distracted and dissatisfied with her not replying or him not replying,of her thinking about how useless I am, of him thinking I'm ...All these that weren't essential suddenly became important. I know it is ridiculous and stupid. But that is how it is. I don't know why. Because I needed someone to talk to.
We hear the talks everyday. The judgements, the comments ...whatever you call it. All I'm saying is to let go. They criticise, you let it go...Find a person to talk to, one way to ignore the current thoughts...Nobody knows how but find a way..
