Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens

It's like I am on top of those skyscrapers,wantonly to fall off and my inner voice in the bloody self centered head slowly fades off.The guilt in your heart breaks apart watching cancer patients entering the old hospital.The rumors going about in your school.I'm not bothered about who is right or wrong.I'm worried if I don't succeed at all because everyone seem to be battling the sacrifices made by life.I'm battling problems of my own too.It doesn't matter if I feel like a class clown or got blinded by illuminations from the sun.Sometimes, to be blind for a day and sense nothing but touch and sound is what I want.Lunatic but better than seeing different unpredictable faces but I'm alright (: You know life is really confusing and I'm still figuring what is that that make people fall in love,being happy,suicide,cry,lie and etc.I've done so much to hurt people all round me till they cry .I admit I beat myself up so badly to cry,just to evaporate the tired feeling of loneliness away.Everyone has their own chapters in life and always creating new ones-the day I kicked your ass in football,the day she felt you,the day I almost got expelled from school.I have change so much and it's okay I guess.Change is good.I'm sick and tired of myself complaining.So I'm giving advice to myself actually and to look at this post 5 years later ...Rudy,you're gonna be one hect of a man someday .