Go

You are suppose to keep going, not stop. You shouldn't stop. Don't wait until it destroys you completely. You don't deserve to be broken. Every human are fragile at heart and mind but that doesn't mean you have to take the punches and kicks from your problems.  No matter how horrible things are right now or how bad it seems to be ten days from now, don't give up. Swallow the fear, let it churn in the insides of  your acidic stomach. Well, it is going to ache and of course you will suffer so much that sometimes, you go crazy, you weep, you shout till you don't have a voice.

But have the courage to go through all these burdens because in the end, you sense the difference of different scenarios, feelings, perceptions in life based on the starting line and the finishing line. You control your own happiness and at the same time you control your very own sadness. Increase the joyfulness and let go of all the sorrowfulness, grudges and jealousy.

“Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.”

—	Rick Warren

Stars

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”

—	Carl Sagan, Cosmos

AA

Breathe. Looking up to heaven. Taking in the ray of light. Stretching across the long coast. Falling back to past time. Asleep in the wallow. Crying and shivering. Hunting for your sorrow. Bending down to hold it. Shiver like you're gonna try. Scatters like it did This. Killing off your habit. Take me as your servant. Take me as your weapon. Take me as your courage. Take me as your servant. Take me as your servant. Take me as your servant.

1

It was just me and that Schnauzer, alone in the living room. That dog is a wonderful listener I must say. I didn’t even bother if it could understand me. I just needed some living creature listening to me because mostly all the humans who are living are already dead inside, like a robot with a customize computer chip placed on the back of their heads, programmed with instructions on what they ought to do.So there I was, whispering to the dog while playing some random tune on the guitar. The dog was lying down on the ground, looking at me thinking how strange I was at night than in the morning. Maybe it is that artificial invisible mask we humans wear everyday. After talking for an hour or so, with tears rolling down from my sleepy eyes to my cheeks, I say no more. I slept. It was just one of the best feeling ever to let everything out and suddenly realize how ridiculous your problems were because there are other people somewhere else in this world who have real and solemn problems which they have no chance to control it. 

I am trying to navigate my flaws to somewhere else but as a sailor, there are strong tidal waves smashing into my robust ship. It wasn’t as compact as before when I first had it. Unfortunately, it is much weaker now but I am really trying to repair every holes and every dented surfaces so I wouldn’t sink beneath the ocean. Because my organs, thoughts and feelings are my crew and I can’t just let them down. I want a sign to really believe that hope and faith is the truth and that it is astonishingly beautiful like an island with so much greenery and golden sand on the grounds whenever I come across it when sailing. I want to travel and experience the external surroundings and will be appreciating every second of it if I was given the chance.

..I kind of realize the next day that whatever I said last night, I couldn’t even remember mostly of what it felt like at that very moment when I was just talking aimlessly. It’s really like champagne where usually people make a toast and drink a full glass of it and that’s it. You enjoy and let it go. You felt it once and you won’t feel it again unless you drink some more. 

2

We all want a time machine like the movie ‘Back to the Future’ where Marty Mcfly proceeds to the future then to the past and in the end, he got what he wanted all along at the present.

But that’s not gonna happen here. It’s one of those days where if there is a chance, you want to give advice to a younger you that this and that is going to happen or seek for the future you and maybe he could give you some advice so you don’t suffer so much and waste precious time dwelling with the thoughts of what it is going to be like ten years from now. Did I succeed in life? Did I have enough money to support my family and my parents? Was I happy? Was it too good to be true?

We can’t rewrite the past, neither can we predict the future. What we have is the present moment so make it a beautiful art. Splash all the colours we have with the thoughts and feelings that make us who we are today. Red. Blue. Indigo. Violet. Gold. Make it a spectrum of colours. Surprise yourself. Surprise everyone.

3

There will be hard times where you will feel completely lost, confused, scared, stressed, lonely or even worst you dont feel anything at all. But remember ‘You’re not alone’. You are part of this world. You have a purpose in life. Find it. Take a chance. Don’t give up. Seek for something that lights up your face with a gorgeous smile every single day. People like that. People would love that. If you could make someone happy just like that, it is a gift that not many people have. Appreciate all that because it makes life more exciting.

4

I don’t know where I am heading and I am quite horrified about the consequences if I don’t make it but I don’t want to tell people that I gave up and lost all forms of hope. I want to tell those kids in the park, those teenagers in school or even the young adults working..just about everyone a story of mine leading to my happiness.

A story like The Sword in the Stone or Samson and Delilah but this story of mine? It’s gonna be one that the whole world will know.