White

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.

—	Jim Butcher, White Night

Gift

Ryan did this for dad's birthday.

Car

Trees

Dream

“A good way to fall in love
is to turn off the headlights
and drive very fast down dark roads.
Another way to fall in love
is to say they are only mints
and swallow them with a strong drink.
Then it is autumn in the body.
Your hands are cold.
Then it is winter and we are still at war.
The gold-haired girl is singing into your ear
about how we live in a beautiful country.
Snow sifts from the clouds
into your drink. It doesn’t matter about the war.
A good way to fall in love
is to close up the garage and turn the engine on,
then down you’ll fall through lovely mists
as a body might fall early one morning
from a high window into love. Love,
the broken glass. Love, the scissors
and the water basin. A good way to fall
is with a rope to catch you.
A good way is with something to drink
to help you march forward.
The gold-haired girl says, Don’t worry
about the armies, says, We live in a time
full of love. You’re thinking about this too much.
Slow down. Nothing bad will happen.”

— Kevin Prufer, “In a Beautiful Country”

Clumsy

“A bouquet of clumsy words: you know that place between sleep and awake where your still dreaming but it’s slowly slipping? I wish we could feel like that more often. I also wish I could click my fingers three times and be transported to anywhere I like. I wish that people didn’t always say ‘just wondering’ when you both know there was a real reason behind them asking. And I wish I could get lost in the stars. Listen, there’s a hell of a good universe next door, let’s go.”
— E.E.Cummings

Have you?

Have you ever had those unbearable moments where everything doesn’t go your way? You try do the easiest thing possible that can even be done by a newborn; to move your right leg forward but it ends with the left one moving. The concoction of failures, depression and frustrations, all twist and turn in your mind. The only thing that you want to do is to get rid of all these burdens but you cant let go of it because it’s like a haunted figure that never seem to be satisfy with you. Then, all sorts of unnecessary stress and anger suddenly frightened you until you lost yourself completely. So you scream at your loudest and weep at the most weird places ever; in the car, the bathroom, your friend’s house or while you’re jogging around your neighbourhood.

Have you ever turn off the engine of your car, the headlights and just stare into the darkness in the middle of the road? And think of what it is gonna be like in the next ten years or the next twenty years? and even if it is just for minutes, you’ll always feel it’s forever. Then, you slowly start back the engine and drive away, hoping no one you know had noticed you.

Have you ever felt that everyone around you is moving on, maybe a hundred steps ahead of you but you’re still at the same old starting point of life, hoping for the better but never want to risk anything. And you try to make yourself better by

Safe it

Eleven cats. A son who forgets the love and compassion of a mother. A husband who will be unforgiven as long as he live. An unborn grandson. A sewing machine. A purple crossword puzzle book. A wonderful singer who sways to the sound of old-fashioned music. Patience buried in her. Memories floating around her. Her kindness really make me feel really ridiculous after meeting her on the first day of work. She stays at a corner house near the office,service center. And comes in randomly whenever she likes and she loves the office. Honestly, I love the office too. The people here are like blankets and comfortable pillows on a Saturday night. The instant click among the colleagues made me feel good about working life.


Who is she? I call her Auntie Rofizah Lim. She doesn't walk into the office. She glides her way through the narrow space of the office, along with her kindness and beauty that sparkles as bright as a night time firework session by the beach. Every time I see her, a new story is told and I absorb as many words I can. Sometimes she shares quotes she admire so much such as from Shakespeare, John F Kennedy..I note down. I felt quite embarrassed about it but I really found it beautiful. A wise lady. A lovely lady. A strong lady. A storyteller. And me? I listen to all of her stories because everyday is a new chapter. Whatever topic it is,it will be a lesson learned in life. Whatever lesson that is taught is a gift. And this gift? You don't get it frequently in life. A story from a person who has gone through a lot is a genuine gift...She's...almost like Santa.


Today, in the evening, I taught her how to use her brand new laptop patiently. After teaching her as much as I can, she said '' Rudy, when my son was your age, he still helps me with all of these and now he is just living in his own world..ungrateful he is.


Her smile was golden. Her enthusiasm when reading her mails made me feel like I really can do this everyday because I think I lost all of that and hope  that something as small as that can make me a person just as similar to her but maybe now is a good time for that..It is just the people I meet are sometimes fools. Fools of greed,ignorance and arrogance. 

Sides

Just one friend can make a difference. Making all the crazy rubbish nonsense thoughts of another person go away. I feel so helpless sometimes. Helping so many people with their problems. Taking my own sweet time managing their problems so they feel better but it doesn't help myself. I feel so helpless until the another person then manage mine by just talking about it and a few laughs. Then it would be better. It's a cycle you see.

Say

 Auntie Rofiza said this to me.
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."by John F. Kennedy