Hi this is my retarded student card.

Ears

Lucy Rose - Night Bus
Right The Stars - You Know The Way
Ryan Adams - Wonderwall
Angus & Julia Stone - Black Crow
Ed Sheeran - Drunk
M83 - Midnight City
Of Monster and Men - Little Talks
The Wanted - Lightning
The Drums - The Future
Karen O & The Kids - All Is Love
Avalanche City - Love Love Love
Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
Star Slinger - May I Walk With You
Two Door Cinema Club - Come Back Home

Bright

Friends. We need them mostly for distraction when we have a concoction of anger,misery and depression. We need them but some times they fail to enlighten you. The credits you did for them were miraculous..triumphant. They need you when they need you. When you need them> They'll shatter you in broken pieces. As painful as a broken arm. A solemn and silent pain slowly announcing how bad it is from mind to body. A friend said '' You have to be selfish sometimes''. I think I'm done being the nice one. People tend to take you for granted. Babies want their mothers. Children want toys. Teens want material things. If I have a choice, I'll take all that away from you,friend.

TBYL

T

The long hours of talking on the bed, in starbucks, in the car and etc...It's...really awesome. I'll be there soon. A year. A frigging year. Just wait for me!

Last time I saw my cousin was in 2008. We're almost 19 now and discovered a lot shit while growing up. A whole lot of douchebag stories we exchanged. Her, I can trust. I'll  miss you!

Mr Mental

After kindergarten, I usually will be at my granddad's paint shop. That's where I have all my imagination expressed on pieces of cardboard by drawing and colouring. All shapes and colour of 'imagination' usually kept pouring out from my head like a tap water running without turning it off. You give an empty paper to me,it'll end up with messy red or blue paints on it, crushed at the sides and scissored in the middle if I'm in the mood of creating a massive door of an unrealistic house. Unrealistic but still that's my house. I always told myself whatever I had drawn on that piece of cardboard or paper, it's mine. A box-shaped car or a crazy huge robot ..all mine.

But now it's different.I don't have that feeling of wanting anything at all right now. Cars, a house or whatever. Like seriously. I'm mental.

After all, family is forever.

A lot of you must be craving for the mouth watering dishes served during reunion dinner. Some might be eyeing on the delicious, crispy biscuits bottled into a few jars where are usually placed in the living room. The worst part is that sometimes you need somebody to help you open that darn jar because it was tightly closed before like a sword in a really huge stone. Lastly, kids or maybe not just kids, mostly everyone who's still young will be waiting for the red packets given by the married couples.

Frankly speaking, I don't feel that enthusiastic about all that. I mean it's good to receive all these and be thankful for it but it's just all so mundane. I'm used to it so I don't really have that pair of eyes which sparkle upon looking at all those stuff.

 What I expect from this year's Chinese New Year will always be the feeling of happiness around family. The spontaneous and  random jokes from uncles and aunties, the beautiful smiles from everyone in the family, everyone dressing up so elegant and posh and the laughing spirit around the family which can easily bring down the whole roof of the house.Years passed, family grows bigger, cousins become bigger. I've got this cousin named Darren and my god he's already growing as tall as me. I like this moments where that little boy turns out to be a teenager then a man.

 I'm already 19 this year. Teenage years will be gone by next year..I can't express how awful I feel right now because it's just not me anymore. Like I'm wearing a mask everywhere I go.Anyway, Happy CNY armpits!

Say

Money doesn’t buy you happiness. Chasing your dreams will. Know the difference. Let yourself dream. How do you dream? All you do is you confess your future. Confessing what is not there yet. Ignore your circumstances. Admitting what you want.

Dear Monash, please send that offer letter. I hate waiting. My patience is boiling .Thank you~!

Dreamer 2

It is not often you have a dream of yourself dying. I always wonder how in the first place did I get into the dream or I can say nightmare. The fire sensation of living suddenly gets dimmer and dimmer. Seconds are slower in these kind of situations. It's like a split second is just as slow as an hour or waiting for a boring teacher to finish her lecture. Then, I see myself intentionally closing the pair of my eyes as if doing this can suddenly seek for an answer on why life is unfair.But the answer is life has been and has always been unfair. There are no answers.
 It's sickening to describe a death. I usually skip articles of people getting brutally murdered. So in my dream, I felt the rush of wind coming in from the outside of the car. The car was upside down, my face flat on the ground and fire. and?.. and the end. Just two sentence and it felt like hours.

Shapes & Sizes

Be different or be like everyone else.  We all have big pictures in our head. We all have dreams. We all want them to be real. We all want all the support we can get to make the dreams real. We all want success. Replace 'We' with I .

I want to be different. I have a dream. I want it to be real. I want all the support I can get. I want to be successful.




I almost touched it, but then it slipped right through my hands,
Could almost see it, then it slipped right out my mind

NO. TELL YOURSELF NO MORE REGRETTING. TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE STRONG. STRONGER THAN BEFORE.  STRONG AS A BRICK. RUDY SEAH YOU'RE STRONG.

2011

Walk & Talk

Everything breaks easily. Your bones, glass,  your mom's favourite vase, cars, your neighbours window etc. oh I forgot about another thing - relationships.

What stays permanent is clear. The ones you see almost everyday. Family.

Don't think you're alone. Don't feel you're alone. Don't be stupid.

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are

Breathe

I'm always afraid of changes. If I like something, I'll never think of altering anything for better or worst. I'll stick to the original plan. Believing that my plan works has it's disadvantage too. What if my plan fails and nothing good is left, just sadness blowing around me like a whirlwind, leaving me aimless, hopeless and confused.

My parents.. have been advising me non stop. Over and over again. I got noone else to run to. Even how stupid or ignorant I can be, arguments are normal and the situation often gets watered suddenly to ease the fire..maybe a slight spark but it's a mild one. I'm trying not to make a fool out of myself in the future but I don't think I'm trying as hard as I can.

Sacrifice is always an option but I'll find a longer way which most of the time ends up with nothing. I always feel like I'm drowning in unnecessary and heavy thoughts. Some say I think too much and express too little.

 I'm taking too much time. I know. I'm making my parents worry more. I know. I'm having a hard time digesting all of these mess too you know?

Hours

Had an awful day today. Like one of the worst.

The night really transformed the whole situation to a funny ending. 3 idiots talking and talking and the stories were never ending. A tap continuously allowing a stream of water to flow out. We had the coffees. We had the time. We had the night.

Little

We would take the binoculars and see how far dad's shot is. We'll try counting how many flew over the net and will shout the number of balls that flew out . People would stare but dad would still concentrate on his positioning and swings.Most of the time, I would observe how far his shot is and hoped that one day I'll whack that stupid white ball out of that place. It's quite annoying. It would be like world peace after a war. I find it really stupid now .

Slide

I became a spy yesterday while waiting for the doctor in the clinic. So silent I was, looking outside the magic mirror. The ones where you can see the outside from inside but not the other way. Two small Indian boys caught my sight. Simply enjoying their food silently and yea haha talking excitedly like the world is gonna end any minute from where they had started. I stood there staring and listening to their conversation.

 I was a stranger but looking at them made me think of the good times I had with my brother.Those were the days... It triggers my memory of a'' brother for life code''.The code in plain simple English '' I got your back and you got mine. Young, free and wild. 3 words to describe us. Little bunch of rascals and troublemakers we were. Yes I was worst.

 I never knew why we had to grow up. I never wanted to be an adult. Always had this crazy imagination that one day I'll be like Peterpan. I'll never grow old and boring..I won't be that old man who sits on the bench during the evenings in the park watching the sun sets....I don't want to be Carl Fredricksen !

I want a chain of adventures leading to another adventure.Me able to float in thin air with just magic dust sprinkled on me. Most importantly, expectations is excluded. Expecting someone, expecting a dream to be real...No nthing.

It's awfully sad when something ends,something that you were once proud of. It takes a lot of time to be happy when there's a new beginning. In the process, struggling to be a better person or trying to accept the truth is just as ugly as falling down from a ten story high building. Then, everyone has to grow up, move along..