“I think of you a lot. I think of you and me walking along in a parking lot at night. Our shoulders rubbing against each other as we listen to our voices. We’re both damaged and beautiful. We know the order of order and the order of disorder. We’ve both been hunted and nearly destroyed by weaklings with big ideas. We know the night." - Henry Rollins (Black Coffee Blues)

Colors

My First Glimpse of Heaven

Long golden hair, coffee-stained eyes, unforgiving rosy cheeks. She was wearing a purple floral dress walking into Marty's Cafe clumsily with her cheap plastic sunglasses sitting comfortably on top of her head. Anabelle had a few letters in her mouth but still managed to greet anyone that walks passed her. As she got ready for work, she produced a guilty dimpled smile till her vanilla white teeth were shown and nodded to a group of pensioners sitting right at the corner. One of them shouted ''If I were still young, you wouldn't continuously turn me down at all missy!''. She giggled and playfully showed them her sweet-and-sour strawberry tongue while walking towards the counter. She stretches both her arms aligned, pointing up at heaven and quickly wore a semi-dirty checkered apron. Soon, she nonchalantly closed her pair of eyes for a few milliseconds, clearly enjoying the coffee scent before pursing her lips slowly. Her love for the coffee-making business was visible to everyone.

After a few hours of hard work, she wore her inexpensive sunnies and walked out of the cafe to reward herself with a cup of coffee and an already opened yellow sunflower pack of cigarettes. She sat on the light green wooden stairs that lead to the storeroom while watching the BBQ smoke vehicles passing through Lonsbay Town. A thick mist was slowly being formed around her from the cigarette smoke that made her appearance look mysteriously elegant. She sat cross-legged with her head resting on the higher supporting leg. Then, tears started dripping, rolling down from her cheeks. She looked around to make sure no one had noticed her visible tears. She then managed to find the energy to push herself up from her sadness and walked down the stairs. Accidentally, she dropped her cigarettes and looked at them strangely. So she closed her pair of tear stained eyes, breathing in and out heavily. Suddenly thinking of her childhood memories in this town.


''Don't get lost okay, Ana?'' said a random guy. Anabelle was astonished and opened her eyes immediately. She lit up with a smile. It was Athur, a regular customer who gets his free coffee every afternoon.
She replied '' Hi Love, Coffee?''.
''That's why I am here for, honey.''

Daydream delusion,
limousine eyelash,
oh, baby with your pretty face,
drop a tear in my wineglass,
look at those big eyes,
see what you mean to me,
sweet cakes and milkshakes,
I am a delusioned angel,
I am a fantasy parade,
I want you to know what I think,
dont want you to guess anymore,
you have no idea where I came from,
we have no idea where we’re going,
launched in life,
like branches in the river,
flowing downstream,
caught in the current,
I’ll carry you, you’ll carry me,
that’s how it could be,
don’t you know me?

don’t you know me by now?

Delusion Angel, David Jewell 

Hello Stranger

Somewhere Over A Moody Rainbow

There she was, snoring beautifully and loudly just like her paps, like a fire alarm, like an explosion in the sky. Lying flat with a bouquet of white damaged daisies that she loves so much since young on top of her chest. Skylar woke up to the sound of birds chirping with autumn leaves scattered around her in a nearby park. Her head was throbbing. It really felt as though a gigantic meteor rock just penetrated her head and crushed her brain cells. She started putting the empty alcohol bottles into the brown paper bag from last night's 'Confessions of An Alcoholic' session and threw it into a bin just beside the road. She then took out a cigarette from her jeans pocket and elegantly placed it behind her ear while searching for a cheap lighter in her backpack. Once found, she made magic with it as though the fag was a magic wand. Deeply inhaling the venomous yet happy chemicals and subsequently forming three circular rings of silver out from her mouth. 

Skylar had a shattered heart and an obvious broken smile. She dared herself if any passerby noticed her on the ground and took the initiative to say hi or wave, she would change herself entirely and be better. Sadly no one came. So she sat down on the thin wet grass and finished the whole box of 24 cigarettes as though it was a box of chocolates. She starts combing her red and purple hair naturally with her right palm as a gentle mild breeze rocketed at her. Slowly, she closed her eyes as sunlight penetrated right at her and she remained like that for a few minutes. She was hoping that it was God's way of showing her a sign that He had already listened to her story.

Once the ocean blue eyes were open, waves were crashing in the pupils and there was an old man on his wheelchair moving towards Skylar. He was smiling and waving at the same time. A well rounded man with the biggest pair of glasses in this whole universe wearing a Oakland Athletics cap, faded flamingo coloured T-shirt and brown pants. He had awfully dry skin covered with pure whitish salt moustache and eyebrows. ''Cigarettes are bad for ya kid,'' initiated the old man. 'It's breakfast sweetie,' she coolly replied. The old man was marveled by her answer while raising an eyebrow. He continued talking after a few seconds of pause. 'Oh so.. food! Like protein, carbohydrates yea? So the kids in Africa get to smoke up like a chimney right? to prevent hunger yeh? What on earth are they teaching you in school these days,' The Old man smirked while looking at the lake in front of them. 'I'm Peter by the way.' Skylar gave a huge smile and giggled a little. Skylar enthusiastically shouted ''PETER BITTER LITTER!'' and continued 'I'm sorry. It's a nice thing to do y'knw... for you to talk to me...and I am grateful for that.' 'You're acting as though no one talks to you before. I am glad you are,' 'Are you crying?' inquired Peter.

One great thing all humans have is the power to have emotions. Some say emotions are poisonous like a snake's venom, maybe because of a breakup in a relationship, a divorce in a marriage, a death of a mother, a car crash etc. The good stuffs are everywhere too-a mother laying her eyes on her first born, a child winning a 100m race, a teenage girl finally able to fit into her old pair of skinny jeans after 3 months of vigorous exercise. Well that's not on the news. Is that all to life? Less likely. On that Sunday afternoon, Skylar's tears were visible under the illuminating sun. The drop of tears looked like expensive see-through crystals.  She nonchalantly glanced at Peter and said ''Just an orphan lost in the real world with no hands to hold or heart to feel, Peter. It hurts so much that I feel so invisible...so insecure to others and sometimes it scares me that God is not listening to my prayers. I feel like I really wasted my life.' 

'Young girl, one thing I know about life is that you are gonna lose yourself numerous times throughout your priceless life and it is your duty to find yourself back again. No maps. No hints. Just a beating heart. That's all. Pick yourself up and stand on both feet. Do not waste a second of your lifetime feeling depressed or destroyed by the millions of reason what you are not and how life should be because life is unforeseeable. Accept your flaws because the imperfections are unique and beautiful. Just an orphan you say? So what? Work hard, fight the battle that's in front of ya and don't you dare try to raise the white flag in your heart. Every individual has their own bloody war. And the scars and death..it strengthens you. Fight for what is lost and love. So don't just say you're an orphan and unloved. Go out there and search for it. Find meaning in life.' expressed wisely and calmly by Peter

Skylar listened attentively at what Peter has to say and looked only into Peter's watery eyes when he was talking. She nodded after every sentence. Before leaving the wise old man said ''I hope you find the strength to pick yourself up when you are pushed to the ground. And about being in love... it is the most... frightening yet wonderful thing I have ever done in my life. To love someone, my soulmate. If he or she's the one, they will always find their way back to you in the end. Trust me. Peoples' version of someone being beautiful is manipulative. Make sure you define it clearly with no one else but you, got it? Good bye darling. Such a lovely day isn't it?' He gave that award winning smile again.

When it was over, she went over to hug him tightly like a cosy pillow and offered him a cigarette which he declined. She only said thank you because she didn't know what else to say. While walking back to the orphanage, she thought of that moment when the wind was blowing at her before Peter came along. Maybe it was God she thought. All she knew was she wasn't the same person as before and she did change to be better. 

I want to be magic. I want to touch the heart of the world and make it smile. I want to be a friend of elves and live in a tree. Or under a hill. I want to marry a moonbeam and hear the stars sing. I don’t want to pretend at magic anymore. I want to be magic. - Charles de Lint

“We’re all beautiful, golden sunflowers inside.” — Allen Ginsberg

97

We all have questions about life. Tonnes of them. Millions of them. With that, there are ambiguous answers hidden that we need to search for and fully understand.

But the truth is some of us are not ready to listen to these answers because sometimes the pain felt after listening to the truth and fate’s calling is unbearable like a hunter swiftly piercing a sword into a lion’s heart. The bravest heart I have ever known..